Down Day

Hello and welcome back to 'Boy in a Big World'

So it's a new year and that makes all the difference apparently. Well not today for me. I have never suffered from depression or anxiety or anything of that nature, and don't get me wrong I have times when I feel down but normally I am able to pick myself up and move on fairly quickly but today for some reason it hasn't worked like that.

My life changed drastically a few months ago when my parents decided to split up and it just threw me off guard. I have to plan where I am going to be, make time to see both of them at separate times and sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try, I always end up with someone not being happy.
I normally just think f**k it and get on with it anyway because sometimes you have to put personal feelings aside and please other people but today I kind of just wanted to do a big middle finger up to the world and crawl into bed and watch Netflix all day.
But I can't. I have to be an adult about it. And don't get me wrong I know that people have it worse and that you do have to suck it up, but I do that so often that I just think I am full now, I just think that I have been 'happy' for so long that it now just makes me angry and resentful. Gosh this sounds so depressing and ungrateful. I am so lucky to have the family I do and the friends around me but today I just kind of want to cry. Every time a client has walked into work I have just been secretly willing them to go so I can go back to feeling cack and sorry for myself. I think that's it you know.
I think I just need to feel sorry for myself and accept that for what it is.

I know that I will wake up tomorrow and not feel like this at all but tonight, I am going to go to the gym and burn some anger and then do some knitting and then sleep.

I know this was probably very depressing to read but this blog is as much for to vent as it is for you to read.

I hope you all had an amazing new year.

Wishes,
Jack